When Your Coworker Treats You Like Their Assistant

How to Set Boundaries

February 11, 2025

Starting any new job can be challenging. Oftentimes, when starting out, you may even be returning to a familiar company where you interned to take on a full-time role. You’ll be accountable for completing your own projects, managing expectations, and proving your value. The move from “I’m still learning” to “I’ve joined the ranks of the regular employees” can be easy. After all, you already know the company, the people and some of the processes. But what happens when a coworker – especially a former mentor – begins to treat you like a continuing intern or a personal assistant?

You may be entering into a delicate situation. You want to maintain a good relationship with everyone on the team, but you also want to protect your time and energy for work that contributes to your own objectives, your growth and your personal success. Taking on someone else’s assignments could derail you. Let’s explore how one young professional handled this tricky situation.

Andy’s journey started in college, where he interned at a small but growing tech company. During his internship, he was paired with a mentor, Sarah, who introduced him to the rest of the group. She also taught him about the different work procedures and the team dynamics. Sarah was a great guide during Andy’s internship; she assigned him tasks that were meaningful but manageable and frequently offered him encouragement and feedback. Andy thrived in the internship and learned a lot. It ultimately led to him being offered a full-time position on the team after graduation.

When Andy joined the company full time the following summer, he was still working closely with Sarah. But now, the dynamic shifted. Sarah was no longer in a mentor role, and they reported to the same manager as peers. Within the first couple of weeks, she started handing off some of her tasks to Andy, asking him to help out with work outside his core responsibilities. It began subtly, with a few “quick favors,” but then grew to the point where it started affecting Andy’s ability to manage his own tasks and responsibilities.

To complicate matters, Andy’s manager seemed to be aware of the situation but didn’t step in. Andy became increasingly stressed. He liked working with Sarah and valued their relationship, but he was beginning to feel taken advantage of, and he worried that this situation may start to impact his performance.

Evaluating the Situation

If you find yourself in a situation like Andy’s, it’s essential first to understand the full picture. You will have to take a closer look at the tasks your coworker is giving you to determine if these tasks are aligned with your own job description. It’s important to show up as a helpful team player, but you’re responsible for the work assigned to you and for the job you were hired for. Extra tasks beyond your job may not be a productive use of your time, and may not be contribute to your, or your team’s overall success.

Consider how the tasks that your coworker is delegating impact your own work. If they are causing you to fall behind in your projects, miss deadlines or start working into the night or on weekends, the extra workload may be becoming a burden. This is where reprioritizing your time is critical. Think about your long-term goals and what you need to contribute to your team and company. The extra work could be diverting your focus or diluting your efforts

Step 1: Set Boundaries with Your Former Mentor

Your former mentor may feel very comfortable asking you for help. He or she likely remembers your eagerness to learn and willingness to be a reliable team player. They may not even realize that the requests are causing stress. If you approach your former mentor thoughtfully, you will enable a two-way conversation with very little tension.

Here’s a way to approach this conversation:

Schedule a casual, private conversation. Keep it collaborative and friendly.
Express appreciation. Acknowledge your colleague’s support and how much you value what you learn from them.
Set gentle boundaries. One approach is to talk about how you are coming up to speed in your new role and how you want to find a way to balance your own responsibilities and projects. Make your coworker aware of how you are experiencing the situation.
Be specific. Talk about a specific project or task that your colleague has asked you to do. Let them know how it is affecting your ability to manage your time.

This approach is respectful, values your relationship, and it sets a boundary that gently communicates your focus on your core responsibilities.

Step 2: Talk with Your Manager

If the issue persists and you continue to get extra assignments from your coworker, you may want to bring the manager into the conversation. It’s possible that your manager is not aware of the current dynamic or it may not be inhibiting the overall performance of the team. The manager may also believe that you and your coworker can handle it on your own. Checking in with your manager can help you clarify your next steps:

Focus on the positive first. Talk about your current projects and how you are coming up to speed with your responsibilities. Assure your manager that you’re committed to your work and motivated to succeed.
Share the situation neutrally. Frame the issue as a challenge in balancing your time, without pinpointing the problem. Communicate that you want to ensure that you stay on track with your priorities.
Seek guidance. Keep the conversation constructive and show how much you value your manager’s input. Ask for a few suggestions about how you can approach the situation.
Propose a solution if needed. If your manager is open, you could present your own ideas for a solution. Take a few minutes to brainstorm how you would approach the situation and look for validation of your idea from your manager.

Balancing Teamwork and Self-Advocacy

Staying focused on your objectives and performance while balancing good teamwork is up to you. You have to advocate for your own priorities. You’ll run into situations where you’re asked to go beyond your defined responsibilities, and you must take care when deciding how much more to take on. Over the course of your career your boundaries will be tested, and you’ll get better at defining your personal boundaries and team boundaries.

Call to Action

If you encounter a situation where you think you are being tasked with assignments beyond your current scope, take a pause to map out your approach. You won’t be considered difficult or unhelpful – you are simply prioritizing the quality and effectiveness of your own work.

Assess the situation. Try to determine if the additional tasks will impact your ability to complete your own assignments.
Set boundaries. Clarify your limitations and outline how taking on additional work at this time could compromise your effectiveness. Emphasize your commitment to your own responsibilities.
Involve your manager when necessary. If the situation calls for it, have a conversation with your manager, focusing on your desire to meet their expectations and manage your priorities.

These situations may feel uncomfortable initially, but they are good learning experiences. Navigating these dynamics can be challenging, but every conversation you have will help you build the skills you’ll use throughout your career. Over time you’ll build the confidence, prioritization and experience that will serve you in the long run.