Open Your Ears or Open Your Mouth?

How to Make your Contributions Count

November 5, 2024

Consider: You’re in a meeting and someone’s talking about a problem they’ve run into. Do you: (A) sit back and listen or (B) speak up to offer a solution? Have you ever gotten it wrong?

If you get this right 100% of the time, stop reading now. If you’ve messed it up from time to time, check out Maria’s story.

Maria, an ambitious young manager at a large insurance company, was tasked with leading a project to streamline her company’s internal claims processing operations. In her first major meeting with key stakeholders, Maria was eager to show everyone what she knew and to prove her capability. She was ready… she prepared a detailed presentation and was confident that her plan was the best solution.

As the meeting began, Maria quickly took control. She dominated the discussion, walking the team through her plan in great detail. However, as she spoke, she didn’t notice subtle cues from the team – shifting in their seats, glancing at each other, and eventually, tuning her out. A few team members tried to jump in with their thoughts, but Maria, intent on completing her presentation, redirected the conversation back to her plan.

When the meeting ended, Maria thought that she had laid out a clear path forward. However, over the following weeks, the project encountered unexpected challenges. It turned out that some of the team members had valuable insights and critical concerns that were never addressed. One department, in particular, had already piloted an approach very close to what Maria put forward. It had already failed, but nobody researched their lessons learned. Another department had significant resource constraints that Maria’s plan hadn’t considered.

Because Maria had been busy speaking instead of listening, she missed out on key information that could have shaped a more effective strategy. Her project ultimately had to be paused and re-evaluated, costing the company time and resources.

Maria realized too late that while her knowledge was valuable, the expertise and perspectives of her colleagues were equally crucial to the project’s success. It was a costly way for Maria to learn that it’s not enough to simply share your ideas – you also have to listen.

Balance Speaking and Listening

Balancing talking and listening is a foundational skill. No matter what the setting – one-on-one meetings, small group working sessions, customer calls, or negotiating with vendors, knowing when to speak up and when to listen can make all the difference. But how do you find this balance?

In Maria’s case, had she come to the meeting without a proposal and sat back quietly gathering ideas from others, she may have found the meeting unproductive. She also may have given her colleagues the impression she lacked the leadership skills to lead the program. But clearly, coming into the meeting with such a rigid mindset and speaking instead of listening didn’t lead to success either. The key is finding the right balance.

The Importance of Balance

Talking and listening are two sides of the same coin. When you find the right balance, you will be able to:

Build credibility: Speaking at the right moments demonstrates confidence and competence.
Foster collaboration: Active listening invites others to tell their stories and share their ideas.
Enhance decision-making: Incorporating more perspectives makes for more informed decisions.
Strengthen relationships: Listening shows respect for others’ opinions, while speaking up helps others understand your perspective.

If you overcompensate on one side or the other, there are risks. Too much talking can make you appear arrogant or dismissive, while excessive listening might signal indecision or passivity. Both extremes can undermine your effectiveness as a leader.

One-on-One Meetings: Creating Connection

In one-on-one meetings, whether with your manager, a colleague, or a direct report, the balance between talking and listening is crucial.

Start by listening: Begin the conversation by letting the other person speak. This sets a tone of respect and shows you’re interested what they have to say.
Ask open-ended questions: Encourage the other person to share more, helping you understand their concerns or ideas deeply. Ask, “Why?” and “Can you tell me more?”
Share your insights concisely: When it’s your turn to speak, be clear and concise. Offer your thoughts in a way that acknowledges the other person and shows you’ve listened. Make sure you communicate that what you’re offering is “in addition to your thought” or “to build upon your idea”, rather than “instead of”.
Check for understanding: Take a pause and summarize key points or ask clarifying questions to ensure you’re on the same page.

Remember, one-on-one meetings are about building a connection. The more you listen, the more the other person will feel valued, and the more likely they are to listen to you in return.

Small Group Working Sessions: Encouraging Collaboration

Small group sessions require a delicate balance of talking and listening to foster collaboration and creativity.

Listen to understand, not to respond: Focus on understanding others’ perspectives rather than thinking about your next point.
Facilitate equal participation: Encourage quieter team members to share ideas and gently steer the conversation if someone is dominating.
Contribute thoughtfully: Aim to move the discussion forward and add value. Avoid talking for the sake of talking.
Be open to feedback: Listen actively when others respond to your ideas. Accepting feedback gracefully is as important as giving it.

In small group sessions you have a chance to create an environment where everyone feels heard and valued. By balancing talking and listening, you can help foster a collaborative atmosphere where the best ideas emerge.

Large Meetings: Making an Impact

In large meetings, where multiple voices are competing for attention, finding the right balance is even more critical.

Choose your moments: Instead of commenting on every point, pick moments where your input will have the most impact.
Support others’ ideas: Sometimes, the best way to contribute is by supporting or amplifying someone else’s idea. This shows you’re listening and can build alliances.
Be concise and focused: Keep your points brief. Long-winded explanations can lose the audience’s attention.

In large meetings, your goal should be to contribute meaningfully without overwhelming the conversation. By being selective about when and how you speak, you can ensure your voice is heard and respected.

Customer Meetings: Building Trust

Customer meetings require a fine-tuned balance of talking and listening to build trust and foster long-term relationships.

Listen first: Let the customer speak first to understand their needs and concerns. This shows that you prioritize their perspective.
Ask probing questions: Clarify their points with thoughtful questions, demonstrating that you’ve heard what their needs are.
Present your solution with confidence: When it’s your turn, present your solution clearly and confidently, but always tie it back to the customer’s needs.
Seek feedback: After presenting, ask for the customer’s thoughts and questions. This two-way dialogue builds trust and rapport.

In customer meetings, listening is about understanding and talking is about building trust. Both are essential for successful client relationships.

Conclusion: The Path to Effective Communication

Mastering the balance between talking and listening is a lifelong pursuit, but it’s a skill that will serve you well throughout your career. Being mindful of when to listen and when to speak, you can navigate business situations with confidence, build stronger relationships, and ultimately become a more effective leader.

As you continue to grow in your career, remember that every conversation is an opportunity to practice this balance. The more you refine this skill, the more influential and respected you’ll become in any professional setting. You’ll not only gain critical insights but also foster collaboration and buy-in from your team, leading to better outcomes

Call to Action

Ready to refine your communication skills and take your career to the next level? Start by reflecting on your recent meetings—did you strike the right balance between talking and listening?